Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve

Ever since I was in sixth grade, I have enjoyed going Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. I love to watch people who know that whatever they find will be what their loved one wants. And, I also love to watch the people who don't understand that LOVE is the reason for the season and JUST HAVE to HAVE a certain present or they won't be as accepted as the person who only finds what they think will be received with love.

So, because I have very little money and have no choice but to wait for the very last minute in my shopping, I still find joy in watching others and I do my best to find the presents that will show my loves that I truly LOVE them. This year I was only able to buy two presents for each of my children, my husband, my grandchild, and son-in-law. Now, I know that may sound depressing, but when I shop with LOVE in my heart, I feel very lucky to be able to get something my loved ones wanted or needed, but will use and think of me when they do.

One thing that was different for me on this year's venture was the realization that I, too, am deserving of the LOVE I want to show to those in my life. I bought myself two presents, as well. I wrapped them knowing I would LOVE receiving each gift and that I would use each gift knowing that I LOVE MYSELF! I am not a selfish person and I feel no guilt in what I have done. I gave myself a chance to LOVE myself and I SO DO!

Please, do something for the one person who really needs and deserves your LOVE! DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF THIS SEASON AND LOVE YOURSELF! In this way, you are not only providing your self love from yourself, but ensuring that your spirit can love the others in your life!

Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas
Happy Yule
Happy Festivus
Happy Hannukah
Happy Kwaanza
Whatever your holiday, BE HAPPY and LOVE everyone, including yourself!!!!

I wanna run away

I just want to run away. I have come to believe that even though I love everyone I have chosen to be in my life, I have to make them number one and leave myself wanting. I don't want to run away and stay away, but I do think a few weeks away from everyone would be good for me. One person even said, "If you want something, all you have to do is ask." Okay, well I asked for a very minor perk and was told by this same person, "After me." Really? I ask and am still told no, wait, I'm more important and my needs come before you... See, even when I ask to be first, I am supposed to wait, put someone else's wants or needs above my own and forget about my wants or needs until someone else is satisfied and happy. If I were to run away, I could deal with my wants and needs and have satisfaction without being last or "after" someone else. I have been a good person all of my life and I just want to be good to me FIRST for a while. SERIOUSLY!

Subbing

Comments this week about me being a substitute:

"Well, you don't have a full time job, do you?"

"It's a lot easier being a substitute, isn't it?"

"At least you don't have to go to work if you don't want to."

Here are some facts that I think everyone out there needs to remember:

1. I am a professional and take my job seriously.

2. I substitute because I love teaching and don't yet have my forever classroom.

3. I am not salaried. I get paid for the days I do work and not for any of the days I don't. I have to work every day that I am able to work because I have bills to pay just like everyone else.

4. Teaching in any capacity is hard work when you take your job seriously. I am not there to babysit the kids in a classroom. I want them to be learning the whole time I am there. In fact, if the regular teacher can leave plans where I can actually teach, it makes it easier for the students to see me as a real teacher and then my job won't be as hard. Every day I enter a different classroom and have to learn about the students I am teaching in a very short amount of time. Sometimes, I am lucky enough to be in a class I have been in another time, and then I don't have to work so hard to learn about the students. However, when I don't have plans and materials that actually allow me to teach, I have to work that much harder to get the students to see me as a teacher and not a babysitter.

5. As I said before, I don't have the luxury of not going to work if I just don't feel like working that day. I have bills to pay. I don't get paid for holidays, summer/winter/spring breaks, or the days I can't work due to illness or lack of sub jobs. I need money just like everyone else. It is very hard to get by on substitute pay.

My hope is that teachers will respect teachers whether they are regular classroom teachers or substitute teachers. It's bad enough that we aren't always respected by the students we teach or their parents, or even by our administrators at times. Why do we have to disrespect our peers just because they have decided to stay in the teaching field whether they have their own class or not?

Grandma LaLa

Nobody told me that being a Grandma was bigger than being a mom. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that my daughter gets to enjoy being the mommy. However, the joy I get from being with Seed and seeing Punkin mothering him is so great. I really had no idea that I could love another child more than I love my own two children, but Seed wins, hands down. Being a Grandmother is the best thing in the world. I am highly rewarded every day that I come home and see my smiling little grandson. He is so worth all the trials in life that we go through. One look at his little angelic face and all my cares and worries melt away.

Heather is such a lucky woman. She is a beautiful daughter and an even more beautiful mother. Demetrion is so lucky to have chosen her to be his mother in this life. Every thing and any thing he desires will be at his feet. His pedestal is so tall and deservedly so. His name is a reflection of being a follower of Demeter. He will be able to bring new life to the cold barren land of anyone's heart. New life is the most precious of all gifts and Demetrion is living proof of that.

I am so blessed!

I was raised knowing that if my parents told me "no" I wasn't going to get an explanation as to why they said "no." I had to live with the fact that my request was not granted and move on. I find, so often, that if I tell someone "no" to a question that has only one other possible answer simply because I mean "no," that someone wants to know why. I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you anything. I have a decision when you make a request. I can grant that request or I can refuse that request. The choice is mine. There is a reason, of course there is always a reason whether my answer is yay or nay, but I don't owe you an explanation of the reason I have chosen. Learn to accept that my response may not be the one you were looking for and move forward. Make another choice. Give up or keep trying elsewhere. But, know this, when I say "no," I mean "no."

Entering a new mode

I find myself entering a new mode. I want newness in my life and am willing to step up to the challenge of taking my introverted self into an extroverted life. I am not sure how this will all work out, but feel excited to work on my own metamorphosis. It has been a long time coming. Instead of being a self-made martyr, I intend on making the changes in my life I need in order to reap the goodness that my life should have always been.